As speaker at the 40th Annual Convention of the Philippine Psychiatric Association, Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago joked about politicians and psycahiatrists, alike, and tweeted:
Jokes for the Philippine Psychiatric Association’s 40th Annual Convention 21 January 2014
- May isang pulitiko na lumapit sa isang psychiatrist.
Ang sabi niya, “Dok tulungan mo po ako. Tuwing nakakatanggap po ako ng pork barrel, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na nakawin ito. Nagi-guilty po ako at nade-depress nang malala at matagal dahil dito.
Ang sabi ng psychiatrist: “Sige, tutulungan kitang magkaroon ng self-control para hindi ka na magnakaw sa taumbayan.”
Sumagot ang pulitiko: “Dok, huwag po! Gusto kong tulungan niyo ako para hindi na ako ma-guilty at ma-depress.”
- Sabi ng isang survey, 25 percent ng mga pulitiko daw ay umiinom ng medication para sa kanilang mental illness.
Malaking problema ito. Ibig sabihin 75 percent ay hindi umiinom ng gamot.
- May isang babae na lumapit sa isang psychiatrist.
Tinanong siya ng psychiatrist kung ano ang problema niya.
Sabi ng babae: “Dok, nymphomaniac po yata ako.”
Sumagot ang psychiatrist: “Ah, ganun ba? Matutulungan kita, pero P5,000 ako kada oras. Baka hindi mo kaya.”
“Ok lang po iyon,” sabi ng babae. “Magkano po ba ang overnight? Kaya niyo po ba?”
- Ganito daw ang menu ng automated answering machine ng mental health hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the alien mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, credit card details, email address, and your Facebook password.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are a politician, please hang up. There’s no hope for you.